以前的男友曾经告诉我, 朋友就像河流, 他们会在你的生命里出现, 逗留一阵子, 然后慢慢的走掉. 这个走了后, 你又发觉新的朋友又把他们的脚印留在你心上, 代替了之前那个,然后又逗留一阵子然后又离去. 友情, 很不实际, 基本上它和爱情没两样.



我还记得, 当时我是这样回答他的, 我相信我的朋友, 友情不会因时间而消失, 他们应该就好像亲情一样. 朋友不会花心, 也知道珍惜; 他们会体谅, 也会关心; 我的朋友绝对不会被时间冲淡.



最近发生了很多事, 我就好像小学生一样, 还是应该用初生婴儿, 在我朋友, 亲人, 感情的字典里, 学会了更多的词句, 增加了很多前所未有的新知识. 从前在我家人朋友情人的字典里是没有什么所谓的底线, 没有厌倦, 没有讨厌, 没有冷静期, 没有能用尽的孝顺, 没有很多负面的. 以前的我很相信, 只要我肯付出, 别人不知道没关系, 只要家人朋友情人知道就好; 别人当我小丑没关系, 只要家人朋友情人不是这样想的就好; 别人不明白我的感受没有关系, 我相信家人朋友情人知道就好; 我有多爱一个人, 别人不知道没有关系, 只要他知道和珍惜就好. 因为家人朋友和情人就是开心的时候分享所有一切开心的事, 不开心的时候, 就是一个倾诉的对象. 对我情人确实更为重要一点, 因为我也明白到, 朋友可能会累, 家人可能会有更多东西需要烦, 或有些事你根本不会和家人说, 但情人绝对不会拒自己所爱的人与千里, 我相信在我最需要他的时候他会为我遮风挡雨; 当他需要我的时候, 我也为他打开我的避难所, 让他住进来, 确保他不被伤害. 我对朋友家人, 就是这样. 我对情人, 就是这样. 我对他们永不言倦,只要他们需要, 我肯定立刻报到. 对我而言家人朋友或男朋友没有很大很大的分别. 他们几乎都是平等重要的. 当然, 我会对情人的要求稍微高一点点, 因为我相信执子之手,与子皆老.



最近, 我发觉我好像想太多了, 以上所说的基本都是我自己一厢情愿. 原来我在朋友的心中, 是有一把尺的, 这把尺的长短, 就在于我在朋友心中的地位, 我可以这么说吗? 在朋友的立场, 他们有事肯定会找我帮忙, 他们知道我不会介意而且会很乐意, 因为他们知道我对他们是的关心是出自真心的. 就算什么都不说, 也喜欢我陪着他们, 静静地. 我也从不言倦, 只因为我知道被冷落的感受, 我疼他们, 我不想他们也经过我所经过的一切, 所以能帮到的, 我肯定帮. 到了现在, 我真的需要一个人陪我, 就算不出声也好, 只要陪陪我就够了. 但原来对他们来说是那么为难的. 朋友告诉我, 她说她对我已到了底线. 她看见我会很伤心, 但有帮不了忙,她已觉得见我是一件很烦的事, 很正面的跟我说了, 我是个很烦的人, 如果有的选, 她不会想要见我. 我呆了一会儿. 哈哈, 原来...感觉可以这么伤...感觉, 就好像被情人抛弃一样...我, 不比一个她认识了一年不到, 不回她信息, 不接她电话, 有事不会时常在身边的的朋友来的重要, 哈哈...讽刺...我被朋友彻底抛弃...



情人? 冷静期已进入3个月. 虽然我相信, 但也已经到了一个麻木的情况. 不懂他是否的麻木了呢? 这3个月里, 他并没有像我一样想知道对方的去向, 在做着什么, 也不会像我一样询问任何人彼此的近况. 他应该很忙吧? 3个月...是长吗?还是短呢?对我, 很长...一天不见如隔三秋, 听过没? 哈哈..但对他, 应该还真的很短吧? 这应该就是他所说的, "it always an open ended statement"因为大家都有自己的做事的一套.

The Story about the BOX in Brain
I heard a story about the Box in brain from one of my friend. He told me, regardless girls or guys, there always have few boxes in their brain. It categorizes these wayfamily box, relationship box, work box, “empty box” (for guys).
I believe all girls will come across this when they are in a relationship. The boyfriend will always tell them, “You know, everyone need own space, I need that too! So please leave me alone.” Then girls will normally ask: “Are you unhappy baby? Have something that bothering you?” and normally how their boyfriend or guy friend will answer? They will answer like this: “Nothing! I just need space and time!”
The girls will left no choice but to leave their beloved alone for no specific reason, and with lots of question marks in head and dare not ask further, but one thing for sure, girls will always don’t know why they need this space, and ask themselves: “Isn’t it all couples would love to stick together 24/7 if there is a chance?”
All the girls out there, here let me present you what a guy need, and what is the BOX in their head. We will have this box in our head as well. But we use it differently; we will open our box and hide ourselves in this box when we are sad, down, or disappointed with something. This is somewhat consider our sad box. We just don’t want to face the world, everything that happened so that’s why we hide ourselves in it to search for solutions, let ourselves being sad for awhile. We search for an explanation in it, our box is not empty, we might figure out things from there, or even a solution, and normally the time hiding in the box will not be long as we will get what we want inside quite fast. We girls hide inside this box for a reason. But let me tell you, guys are just so different from us. Their box contain nothing inside, nothing means nothing. The worst is not more than, they like to hide inside this box as and when they like. Whether or not they are facing any problem or just simply wanted to do nothing in the box and just hide inside. This is what they call it “their space”. You might want to know why, and you being a girl are so curious why they wanted to hide themselves? Tell you what, don’t ask, because you will never know why. Why? Let me have a clearer explanation to you, it is as simple as just because the guys don’t even know why they need it! See?
So, come on girls, create this box, and use it to them as well! Learn to be alone, learn to have your own space, hide inside as and when you like. No point keeps sacrificing all your time to them when they don’t even know how to appreciate it, no? Yes, it might looks like revenge; maybe yes its revenge, but maybe we should put it in another way. When a guy need time and space, they will force the girls to give them, tolerate with them, but have they ever think of how a girl feels when they do these things to them? So, girls maybe we should learn how to be alone too to “sort out our things”…

前阵子我常游荡在一个人际网页,名为 Facebook. 身为普通人, 八卦的我, 常常去查别人的update. 很意外的发现, 常常有人用这句话来形容他的人生, 或以这个为人生目标--Live Your Life Like There's No Tomorrow...这句话通常都是一些十来二十岁的人常用的一句话. 我在想, 他们所谓的意思是不是只要自己开心, 每天过着自己想要的生活就是Live Your Life Like There's No Tomorrow呢? 他们已经知道怎么去面对现在的自己,这社会, 他们所处于的情况, 他们会面对一切了吗?

你可以每天很开心的过着每一天, 把当下所有的烦恼给抛开,然后吃自己喜欢吃的, 玩自己喜欢玩的, 和自己喜欢的人腻在一起, 过自己当下想要过的生活, 这就是大家所谓的活在当下, 人嘛, 开心就好.

回头想想, 你活在当下了, 如果下一分钟, 忽然神出现在你面前告诉你, 你即将在下一分钟就离开这世界... 第一件事出现你脑袋的会是什么呢? 怎么会这样? 为什么是我? 我还没活够! 我怎么死的? 会太痛吗? 我不要死...你有正真的活在当下吗? 会不会有些是你根本还没有解决的呢? 你有后悔自己其实在浪费时间? 你下一分钟就要离开世界了, 你不知道离开了这世界你将会去哪里, 是什么, 会遇见什么, 或到底还会有另外一个世界吗? 人真的会投胎? 然后, 当你在想着这些事, 你的一分钟已经过了, 你就这样离开了世界. 你, 真的活在了当下?

Live Your Life Like There's No Tomorrow? If tomorrow...if the next minute of yours seriously didn't arrive, what will you seriously do?

Sometimes I wonder why people would love to assume things including me? Then I figured out few facts.

1) They wanted to know something that they don't have a chance to get the exact answer, so they can only assume, ex: I wanted to know something so desperately, but the person who knows the answer seems not willing to giving this chance to me, so I have no choice but to assume.

2) They are afraid to know the exact answer, so they will assume the final answer to somehow confort them, ex: I don't want to get rejected by people on something, so I make an assumption, assuming that it will ends up in the way I think it would be, and normally it will always be a negative situation that I will assume, so why try? So I assume.

3) There are times where you wanted to try out your luck so you assume, ex: There are no more parking space, I'm going to park on an illegal space which I assume that it will not be that lucky for me to have a summon at this time, so I assume.

Normally I assume when face situation No.1 and No.3, I hardly assume when I'm in situation No.2(No.2 will only occur when in some "special" situation and "special" someone eg family, relationship and friendship). By this, now you might see I'm a very impatient person. See, I always believe in this, if I never try I'll never know.

There were once I came across a very funny situation. I stayed over in my BF's place as usual, we park our car at the car park area which there always have those inconsiderate driver who simply park their cars and block the way, and that is the only way to get out from the car park. So my BF tried driving his car out yet he couldn't by seeing the gap of the left over space. He called me and ask me whether could he use my car for a day. Of course I wouldn't mind, who is he? My Love one leh!So I pass him my key and get to know the situation, checked out the place and asked again if he sure that he couldn't drive his car out? He said yes, by looking at the space, shouldn't be any chances for him to drive his car out. Without asking much, I pass my key to him and got myself back to dream land.

When I was awake, it's already lunch time, and thinking of having lunch. I took his car key out and I still saw the car parking over the same spot, I took a paper and wrote a few words to the car owner asking him please be more considerate the next time when s/he park the car. So what now? Around the place where my BF staying, there's only one mamak stall which looks horrible, and nothing else than that, if I don't drive out, I'll need to me starve until my BF came back from work. Without thinking too much, I started the engine and shut the both side mirror, drove slowly out from the "isle"... Yes! I pass through it successfully. Then I realize actually There were actually still lot more space for the car to go through.

Moral of the Story: We as human assume, though we know assumption is awlays the mother of F*** up, but we still do. Yet, please also bare in mind that, never try never know. Always stand in the middle when you do or think everything. If I didn't try that moment, I think I'm gonna starve myself until my BF back from his work. I receive this sms before which I love it so much and didn't actually delete it. I couldn't remember it but is something like this: Life is short, you will never know what will happen next. So live your life, when chances are here, just grab it! It'll No one said it'll be easy, but if you never move, you will stay on the ground forever. So, face it, take it, without regreting it! Cheers all! :)

Yesterday was my offday. Normally the night before my off day, I'll stay in my BF's place, the next day will kiss him goodbye, send him off work, then will go home wait for him to come home, and have dinner together and then will be yum cha session or watch series session! But...this was all the past story, now what? cool down period wert... wuakakakaka!

So for not letting myself too free to think too much, yesterday I went to a hair saloon, get my messy hair straighten. It took me 4 hours to do so! I like a outcome! Now my hair looks great, the most important thing is---I LOOK YOUNGER NOW! weeee!!~~

I still remember I plan to join one of the fitness club with him so we could have some workout instead of like going to movie every week or watching series and waste our day. But because too many happened that make this of our plan couldn't work out to be fine, so until now we still haven't join any fitness club. Since now I'm like half single, he need his time to work out his own stuffs, don't know when can call me back, so I've decided to join a club! Yup, joined yesterday and yesterday itself I attended their gentle yoga class! It was fun! After all the yoga action, they will let you meditate for like 5 mins, because of the exercise, basically, your brain will be cleared by then. Haven't been that relax before ever since the cool down period started...

Then went out to the main floor, saw a boxing mat, consult with staff there, oh! They have trainers for boxing! So I told them I would like to learn boxing, as it's one of the thing that my BF would like to try too, :p I'll go for a try first!

Boxing seriously not like what you see from movies, is like so easy, you just punch punch and punch kick that's it with all your body strenght! OMG~~ You can't skip or jump when you box, and your left leg MUST always be infront! No matter you swing your left hand or right, your left leg must stay infront, and right leg will need to twist a bit when necessary! Then when you hit you have punch, hoop, and...Oh,forgot what's the hit name.. then kick also have different kind of posture. God! I started to loving it! Gonna go for it again, but this time have to make sure my finger nails short, so we could wear the proper box hand cover... :( abit sad because I'll need to cut my finger nails short... sob!

Gonna blog again when there's any interesting classes or anything...kekeke

Ciaoz!

雯,是一个有着男孩子脾性的女孩. 从小身边陪着她一起长大, 一起玩的都是男孩子. 脾气暴躁, 不温柔, 不散解人意, 还会学男孩子般的打架, 玩闹. 她父母在她5岁的时候, 就分开住. 5岁应该就是他人生的第一个转泪点吧? 妈妈拉着她和妹妹从爸爸家走出来, 去到外公家; 虽然才5岁, 但这就好像她的烙印一样,牢牢的刻了在她脑袋里, 怎么抹都抹不去.在这段时间里妈妈告诉雯, 因为她是长女, 一定要好好读书, 帮忙照顾妹妹和家里, 要乖, 要坚强. 从那时开始, 她从来不会把学校发生的不愉快, 或任何的事告诉别人, 也不会有人得空听雯说心事, 就算是最疼爱的爷爷, 因为毕竟见面少了.

渐渐长大的雯, 就有点当哥哥的感觉. 家里有什么坏了, 小样的`能力所及的:如把断了一根脚木椅的钉好, 照着说明书把新买回来的厨弄好, 等等都有雯一个人做, 而且还蛮享受的! 虽然是女孩子, 但就是喜欢做这种活的女孩子. 直到爷爷在雯14岁那年去世后, 爸爸妈妈才从新再和好. 但那时候雯已经习惯性的独自一人, 除了学习怎么把自己当成男孩子外, 别的视乎都不大感兴趣; 看看漫画, 和一群一起长大的男孩子骑脚踏车, 打羽球, 逗野狗, 玩那时很流行的街头霸王电动感觉上就是那时候雯的最大乐趣.

雯就读的小学是男女同校的, 虽然她有着比较男孩子的性格, 但也不大会有人觉得不妥, 就有点当彼此是哥儿们一起闹, 一起玩. 直到上了初中, 妈妈因为担心男女同校不太妥当, 怕雯会学坏, 所以把她送到了一所偏远女校. 当时雯真的很不高兴, 所有的朋友都就读他们想要的学校, 和他们喜欢的朋友一起继续读书, 就只有她进到一所她完全不熟悉, 也没有半个朋友的学校里, 一切都要从新开始. 那是雯还对自己说: “没关系的, 只要我不得罪人, 过自己的生活, 就okay啦!”哈哈, 入学不到半年好不容易认识新的朋友, 以为还不错的时候, 新认识的朋友就开始对雯批评万分, 要她改这样, 学那样. 不是说她说话一点都不像女孩子, 就是说为什么动作那么男生呀? 雯的家人因为都是英文学校毕业的, 从小雯就有习惯说话时夹带着英文在里面, 万万没想到是, 这些朋友连这样都可以批评一番, 说雯很奇怪, 为什么一定要用英语? 是要炫耀自己的英文有多好吗? 她当时真的无从适应, 他无论是帮人, 还是宁愿什么都不做, 朋友还是一样批评. 雯觉得很辛苦, 偷偷地哭了好久, 好想念小学的时的日子, 她想要妈妈把自己送到一所有自己正真朋友的学校. 但因为知道妈妈还要工作, 这所学校是妈妈特地为她选的, 所以过后还是把这念头给打消了.

I have a story to share, someone asked me once, what do you seriously thinks about me? I refuse to answer as I know how it’ll ends up, because I know him well, not to say knowing it all, I would said I understand him like how he understand me, but this person insisted he wants to know, so before I tell, I ask him, what do you think about yourself before I told you? And, you seriously prepare to accept the cruel facts? His answer was yes, because he wants to become a better person like he told me before, and of course he explained to me, he thinks he is quite a mature person, and he thinks that he handle things well. I listen patiently what he told me. Then again I asked, you sure you are prepared? He replied yes. So I seriously thought this time he seriously wanted to know and need some helps from someone. You know, you will not ask a person that you don’t think he or she understands you well with this question, no? I tell him the true, how I think about him. He is mature in some ways, and good in handling problems sometimes, but it’s not all. So I gave him some examples along the explanations, what he did and how he reacted over things sometimes.
What I realize is the very next minute I saw his face turns black, and he’s like in a silent mode. I kept quiet for a while and I asked him, are you okay? You don’t look happy, was it because I offended you? He said no. So I continue to asked, does he gets what I mean and how I feel? Does he understand it? He pause for the while and replied yes, he understand my way of thinking, he knows it and he feels how I felt, but he don’t why I’ll think him this way. I nearly fainted at that very moment.
You know, when you are not ready to accept the fact on how people thinks about you, don’t ask, because your heart is closed, and sorry, no one is perfect in this world, how people thinks about you is how you react on things, no one will accuse you by building up stories to hurts you because they loves you, they want you to improve or know what is right or wrong, you might not fully accept what others opinion but you have to know there’s always a reason behind or else the statement will not make out this way.
Every time when I ask people, how do you think about me? I’ll always tell myself before hand, please throw away how I think about myself first, accept and listen to what people tells you second, believing them telling you this is to make you a better person third, and if you are unclear, try to ask more or you can explain a bit why you’ll react this way, yet make it clear that explanations doesn’t mean that to fight for yourself, just explain but still accepting what people say.
If a person that tells you, s/he knows her/himself very clear, no one will knows better than they do, sorry to say…, those are the people that don’t know themselves at all. They refuse what others say, because they don’t want to accept the ugly side of them. These group of people, when problem occurs, their only solution will be hiding in the hole, hide themselves from all the problem, and will never want to create a solution for themselves, because they thought they are already so perfect. In the end of the day, they will drown themselves and pull all their love ones down too. NO! I didn’t pull my love ones down, they might keep defending for themselves and the worst will be they will never think that they are wrong, yet will comes back to tell you they know what they’ve did wrong, thought that they know everything. They will explain their love ones drown is because of themselves, they can choose to live happily, not because of them at all. Haha! Yes, this is all what they will say, and makes the love ones even hurt and drown more. Why will the love ones care? Why will the love ones get hurts? Why will the love ones drown when they sees you drown? You seriously don’t know? Then let me tell you, because they care! Just because they love you so much and they feels so painful and hurts when they see you drown yet they can’t help because you refuse to let them into your heart! They open their heart to you, they trust you can, they know you will, but what you did? Letting them down is the only thing you do.
Yes, this is to let myself read, and remind myself every single minute, because I seriously don’t want to hurt my love ones! Thought I’m forgetful, yet at least I know, I admit, and accept!
Sorry to all the people that loves me, makes you feels worried is seriously the worse thing I’ve done to you. Give me some time, you know I can, because at least already know, just this time this shit makes me feels so painful and hurts, and I drown a bit too deep. My wound is wide open and it’s still bleeding non-stop like a river, but serious, I’m trying my best out of me.