Shouting My Lungs OUT LOUD!!

Blog Closed

2008-11-10T18:49:00.001-08:00

~Hey ya, thanks for visiting my blog. Unfortunately, I'm closing all my blogger's blogs, I'm shifting all my blog to another place, kekeke. Dear friend, please do drop me an email if you wish to know what is my new blog address at waiwai162@hotmail.com. Take Care! :) ~

The Greatest Man in My Life- Beloved Ye Ye

2008-10-07T08:01:00.000-07:00

Have you ever tried eating the whole sugarcane (mind you it’s with skin- which means you need to bite the skin off and chew the flash) all by your mouth instead of drinking the ready squeezed sugarcane water? Have you ever travel 2 hours or more to a place just to strive for tasty food and head back to where you staying? And yes! I have tried all that, and it’s thought by my grandpa!

Drop by to aunty May Cy’s blog accidently today, and found out that she wrote a post about her beloved Ah Pak, my beloved grandpa (Ye Ye- In Cantonese), it touches my heart to the deepest. Whether or not by fate or by coincident, today is the date which my grandpa passed away 10 years ago (in Chinese calendar), she wrote this blog on September 14^th and it bumps into me only today, this touches me even deeper.

In my memories, he is a strong, brave and optimistic person (or I shall say for the whole family). He fears of no thing. Whatever happens, no matter how bad the situations he would be able to come out with a solution and solve it one by one, and this makes him my hero, my ironman. This recall how he helped me through all my primary art projects such as lantern making, Chinese calligraphy writing (this definitely make me crack my head as I have a very bad hand writing) and etc. ( all these sound so small but it’s big for me-my homework man!).

Every Sunday, never missed (only if I’m sick!) I will go to the market with him and grandma. When grandma was busy doing her shopping for groceries, I’ll be busy persuading him to buy me gold fish! (Haha!!) I’ll got screwed by him as I will be the one who choose the gold fish and he will be the one who needs to take care of them for the rest of their life! Weeeee! But…I was always the winner, kekeke! Never mind, he was very good in taking care of fish, they normally turns into fat` healthy fishes under his good care. My grandpa liked to plant flowers as well, and he’s an expert on this! He could easily turn a dying plant back to life; sometimes these plants would grow even more beautiful than before! Basically, my grandpa was good in almost everything, literally, I have not come across anything that he don’t know, from cooking, sewing, planting, taking care of animals, he knows almost everything, except music (Piano!), and this is why he always feel proud because me and my sister know how to play the piano. (Not saying that we both play very well ya…) Yeah, besides playing music instruments, he is good in almost everything; he is a very smart man! (A perfect man instead!) I always believe that if he has had a chance to learn music, he would become more professional than us as well!

Just like what aunty May Cy mention in her post, my ye ye was an excellent cook, whatever raw material goes into his hand, it will turns into irresistible dishes- finger licking good! His sweet steamed egg is always my favorite among all cooking of his; I can never find it in anywhere else until now. How good would it be if I have a chance to taste it again?

He is always a thoughtful man, out of 10 stories that he told me (normally would be those that happened in his passed-the true stories), almost all contained a deep thought behind, even jokes. He has been suffered a lot when he was young, but I heard not even one complaint or grumble as he treated them as a learning field for him. I still remember he always teach me to have gratitude, be thankful for everything; always remember to help as many people as I could and be kind to everyone whether or not the person will appreciate my help or not, or even to the extant they might betray me in the end; and always appreciate people who lend me a helping hand, repay them when there is a chance. This is why he names me Hui-惠 (meaning to be thankful and to be kind in Chinese).

For him, family is the most important thing than anything else; his family values were so strong. He does not allow any of the family members to skip any of the festive dinner, especially Chinese New Year Eve’s dinner. All must be home for dinner; there is no any excuse for this, except for the daughter who’s married and need to go back to have dinner with the husband’s family; but they will have to be back home for dinner on the second day of Chinese New Year as well.

He does not allow any fighting or arguing within the family members, or else, even you are in your 30’s, he will screw you upside down for this. He always believe that nothing couldn’t be solve, there is no need of fighting or arguing, sit down and have a blunt talk to sort out problems and settle it on the spot, not bringing it any further. If really couldn’t sort out anything, he will use his greatest weapon- his principle to sort it out. After all, he has been living in this world for 70 years and things that he went through definitely way more than his sons or daughters or even is brothers. And yes, this is exactly who my ye ye is. Everyone, even outsiders respect him. If I were to write everything out about my ye ye, I bet it will turns into a very thick book!

I miss the time when we have fun together, telling jokes to make each others laugh; the time when we have dinner together as a whole, together with every single family members and ye ye, enjoying the every single meaningful festive season.

Ever since ye ye passed away, lots of things have changed. Without the strongest man in my family, festive season only another normal holiday for me to rest after working for months, as the chances of having the whole family to sit down and have a proper meal decrease every year; no more jokes for us to laugh; even topics that we could share become so little. I feel very sad, sad for my family; sad for ye ye. His dream of his whole life is to see us living happily, helping each others, live in a “real” family. I remember very clearly, ye ye passed away in the house, after doctor examination and told us to bring him back so that he could leave this world in his own house (this is always what my ye ye wanted to-his last wish). We were all beside him except for one of my uncle, for some reason he was late. My ye ye was in a coma (or unconscious, I couldn’t remember clearly) but he waited. He only took in his last breath after hearing my uncle called him, and he left us peacefully.

Ye ye, I am sorry… I know I couldn’t do much to hold the family back together just like last time as what you always wish, as I am alone, my power is just so small, I am helpless, but i promise I will try my best, for you, your dream, my family, and myself.

Halloween~~~~ ARH!!!

2008-09-24T09:26:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I met up with one of my newly known friend-Kenneth for dinner and movie. He bought the movie ticket " Halloween" , actually I did not blame on him as when he first asked me is there any movie come across my mind that I wanted to watch and I my answer is “anything” (as usual, Don't blame me please, I am kinda out dated on all movies that are showing now la, duh!), and there goes …I nearly fainted during the movie. Damn freaking HORROR.

The opening was already like bad words and so on (no sensor, man!)I was like: Huh? What movie is this? After 30mins, what I could recall was watching a 10 years old boy killing his schoolmate, father, sister and the boyfriend, cruelly; blood everywhere, and I was like “WTF?!?!”.

Until now I can still feel my goose bumps when I recall the entire killing screen! This was the first time I went into a cinema, without finishing the whole movie and left with FEAR… (Ya, I did not finish the whole movie. Shitto!)

I swear to GOD, I’ll never ever answer “anything” anymore for movies, this really my punishment man! ARH!!!!!!

THE WORST IS- THERE ISN’T ANY STORYLINE BEHIND!!! ONLY PURE KILLING FOR THE SAKE OF FUN?!?!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_u8blffLgtc

...Ok, after I read the comment in youtube, it looks like there is a story line, but so happen, NO!! NO matter how GREAT is this movie, I WILL NEVER WANTED TO WATCH IT ANYMORE!!! NO!!!!!! I FEEL LIKE PUKING!!!

I am NOT going to spend my $$ just to Freak myself out!! ARH!!!!!

Frustration In Life

2008-09-10T09:43:00.000-07:00

Stress, stress and STRESS is the only word that I could explain my life now. No matter where am I, care not what am I doing, the same old questions just keep on rolling non stop in my mind.

Leave?Stay?Hold on?Let go?

Things are totally out of my control, I suddenly felt that I am so helpless, my future is unseen, I am so lost, living in the LOST WORLD; where am I heading to? What will I be? What is right and what is wrong? If there are only two feelings in our life for real, which is the LOVE and FEAR, I can now clearly tell you that I am definately living my life with full of FEAR. I FEAR TO MOVE ON, literally; I DO NOT KNOW how to move on. Every single move seems to be so hard. The more I strive for my success, the more I fail to. It is just like, you thought you have moved one step forward, but somehow you found out that you are actually moving two steps backwards.

It makes me feel more frustrated when seeing others have a very clear mind where should they go; what are the future plannings; everything seems to be so smooth for them... (Duh, I know clearly that I am wrong when I thinks it that way, every success comes with lots of hard works and so fort, having said that my mind is out of my control)

It seems like goes with the flow will makes me DIE faster...
It seems like ...
I don't know...
I don't even know what should type here...

I just don't know...

Victor-A Person That I Could Not Forget

2008-08-07T08:53:00.000-07:00

"Hey girl, the zip on your beg is open, be careful..."

9 years back,14 years old me, on a Saturday morning, 7.30am, waiting for the bus at Old Town bus stop to attend a band training...and this was the first sentence of the day...that shocked me ( I'm basically half asleep while waiting for the stupid bus to arrive.)

Our conversation started off just like that, he was waiting for his friend to pick him up to somewhere and saw my beg was opened, and decided to let me know the danger in it, Petaling Jaya Old town, a place that fills with thief and robbers (at those days, I am not too sure about now...). Had a short conversation with him, got to know him by the name of Victor, 20 years old, just graduated and would like to be my friend. So I should admit that 14 years old me, stupid me... we exchange phone number (yup, phone number, and I gave him my real number *sweat* but he as well gave his number to me...too). Left the bus stop without thinking that much as I was still half asleep.

2 weeks later, somehow I had totally forgot about him and did not even think that he will really call me up, basically I just know that his name --> Victor, 21 years old, nothing more than that. So happened he called up and would like to have a drink with me during the weekend. Stupid me again, I attended, without knowing how dangerous the world would be, Muahaha! But no regrets, we had a nice day meeting up, chit chatting whole day, and it was my first experience having coffee in Starbucks! Of cause, he paid for the bills! Ha!

Through conversation, I found out that his is an interesting guy, with loads of dreams and passion. Compare to me that time; I felt that I was so damn small. Knowing that my dreams will never come true (too many obstacles that hold me back), seeing him with his fantastic dreams, attracted me a lot.

In total, we’d meet each others 4 times, every once a month. On the 4^th month when he called, his voice changed to an abnormal him. I can still remember very clearly as the sadness of the voice, from him was so clear. He asked me out again, I agreed and attended that weekend. It was the most abnormal day as the whole day he just kept quiet, very quiet; there was no laughter or sharing. I did not say or ask anything as somehow I could felt that I shouldn’t. The whole world remains silent at that moment. I was about to leave, told him, he asked me to do him a favor, sit nearer to him. I did as I thought he have something to tell me. Out of a sudden, he hugged me, tightly I did not push him away as I heard that he was mumbling some words near my ears and I heard sobbing sound. What I could hear was only “gives me more time…” Felt that he was letting go of his hand, my first reaction was turn back and say bye, left myself with lots of question marks and walked away, without turning back. He called up that night and the only words that he said was sorry for his misbehave action. I thought of asking him what is happening but somehow, he put down the phone fast.

There were no calls, nothing from him since that day. I felt regret, I should not have left just like that; I had a strong feeling something was not right. I tried calling him after that but every time when I pick up the phone, my guts flews. I DARE NOT…

If I am not mistaken, it should be 6 months later. Again, my memories towards him are kind of faded. I got a phone call from a lady, claims that she is Victor’s sister. She got my number from a letter that Victor wrote for me. A letter that found in his drawer, after he was…gone?!?!?! Hell!! Deep shit, what happen? His sister did not explain much, just asked me to meet up somewhere for the letter. I did not` dare not meet her up. She called for few times and maybe cause by frustration and annoyed, she did not call up anymore.

What did she mean by “GONE”? What was written in the letter? What happened? Where is he? What did he mean by give him more time? I don’t even dare to ask these questions to myself, and somehow, I know that there will forever no answers for all these questions.

Though, until now, time washes lots of his memories off from me, but I could not forget, there was this guy name Victor, walked into my life when I was 14, and he left a bunch of question marks in my mind and gone…without a reason.

There is only one thing that I know, though I could not really recall how he looks like, but the smile on his face when he was saying “Hey girl, the zip on your beg is open, be careful...", I can still clearly remember..

Victor.Chong

Caring?

2008-07-13T07:57:00.000-07:00

Today when I came back from my dinner, I saw them again! The two brothers, I still remember the last time I saw them should be around a year back?

STOP YOUR WILD GUESS!!Let me finish la duh!

As usual, they are strolling along the road, slowly… The only difference after a year is only the younger brother could not walk anymore, he sit on a wheelchair quietly and his elder brother was pushing him from behind, patiently` slowly. From the younger brother's face, somehow could feel that he is tired and sad, somehow… maybe not… Basically I am too sure la, as I am not him. What I am trying to say here is: HEY!! I Really RESPECT his elder brother. Taking care of his younger brother, did not ever think of giving up and let go.

What I know of is this brother actually has polio since very young age. Every evening, the elder brother will bring him out for a walk, and he does not miss even once, cause every time after my work, I for sure seeing him helping his brother for an evening walk slowly. Until last year, I could not see them anymore. I thought like (sorry to say this man) does his younger brother passed away or something? (SORRY!!I did not mean to think like this!!) And today I finally found out that is because his younger brother could not walk anymore, he have to push by a wheelchair, have to takes longer time to finish the normal strolling.

Whenever I saw this scenario, I'll start thinking, how many people in this world now will have this kind of patients and perseverance to do all this? What my view of this world now only one word- SELFISH.

I am not bullshitting here, try spend some time, take a look at everything that is around you; people fighting with each others for NOTHING; arguing whole day long just for small matters; DON'T need to see too far away la, within your family, you could get to see this as well.

How many people in this world now will really care? Love? BULLSHIT! People in this world know only how to use the best way to hurt one and another, betray the loves one, USE the brain to think of all ways to revenge, every F***ing single minutes`single seconds!

AND

THIS IS THE WORLD!!

Introducing MYSELF?!?!?!

2008-07-07T18:24:00.000-07:00

So, let me see, I should start like this:" Hi, I am Amanda, an ordinary girl that behave and think like an ordinary girl. My favorite pass time would be go shopping with friends, watching movie, and my favorite topic will be discussing on the latest fashion, where to shop during Mega sales, where to go for facial, and make sure I am having the best appearance wherever and wherever I go……. Hell ya....

The above introduction, DEFINITELY not referring to me!

Call me NO GIRL!! See me NO GIRL!!

I don’t go shop for my clothes until the day when I open my closet, and find out that all my clothes like SHIT; my last visit to the beauty salon was…5 years back? Or even longer, just started to use facial products as I realize my face now…like SHIT; I talk NO fashion! No way, I’ll fall asleep, though I try to but it’s hard for me, that’s why whenever I need clothes, I’ll get my sister to choose for me and I do the paying; I stay up late night for LEVELING my game character (I’m a online game freak!); I do put make up to cover up my black eye circle (because of late night gaming/browsing) just to prevent from scare the hell out of others out there, hmmm, okay have to admit that nowadays I put make up to me myself “looks HOT?!?!”; I like to bully wild dogs, freak them out and chase me back ( I run slow, so basically I dare doing so when I’m on my bike.. I mean bicycle); I play FIGHTING game with guy friends (I mean during my primary school time), chasing each others with chairs (YES believe it, CHAIRS) and got punished by teachers in the end (but it didn’t stop us from doing so again); … okay okay, you can definitely see me a girl when you hear me shouting “Cockroach!” or “RATS!”; or even “MAD DOG!” (When I get chase by dogs without a bike).

Hence, this is the ORDINARY me.

And, why am I creating another blog as I already have one now, is all because of this stupid test:

http://www.criticsrant.com/bb/reading_level.aspx

Only because I write my blog in Chinese and the STUPID website does not recognize any languages beside English, hence it shows my result as “Can only be understood by Genius”!?!?!? (It definitely does not mean I am genius writing such a GENIUS blog, k? it’s the other way round... hmm I guess); and to IMPROVE (ya right, my English like shit, I always admit that) my English. Cheers!